[21/11/16] karma

Karma. The universe’s way of restoring the good in the world, for punishing the bad and rewarding the good. In a way it ensures that everyone’s scales are the same and that we get back what we give into this world. 

Such a slippery slope though. How does the universe decide just how much karma to give and what if a persons actions weren’t in their control, what if they were as we say in my culture ‘majbour’ or helpless. Would they still have that bad karma on their conscience.  

Backtracking to my dilemma, there was a guy. There’s always a guy isn’t there eh. But anyways I met a guy, a great guy. One of those guys I had a great chemistry with someone who got me and we just had that ‘spark’. But it was too good to be true, I mean he was still a nice guy and there was no problem with that but instead I knew that in no world would my parents ever accept him if it were to get that. Along with that I had just met him 3 months before I was to leave Toronto forever. Funnily enough on our first date he said ‘I was to meet someone, and she would have to be international’. Like fools we sat in his car that night thinking meh it’s fine it’ll be casual. No big deal. I can’t do causal though. Like ever. So there was my dilemma and there a month and a half later it was all over. I ended it while he was on a trip and I broke my heart, the look on his face was one I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Alas, we left on goodish terms with a bit of awkward longing here and there with the like of a picture etc. 

Now soon after my parents brought up the topic of my marriage (South Asian cultures = arrange marriage). They brought up a friend of mine, so it wouldn’t really be an arranged marriage, we were really good friends and he got me in a way that very few people did. And so that began. A whirlwind of emotions and my life was just going and I was running with it, not really sure how I was going to feel or how my life was going to go and where I was going to end up. And then just as quickly as it had started, it was over. For whatever reason he backed out. Not into did I loose the guy I thought I was going to get married to but I lost a life long friend. 

So that brings me to my point about karma. I hurt someone, though it was out of my hand, but was it really out of my hand. I mean I knew there was no long term so I shouldn’t have even gotten in it right? Well I guess I was stupid then, and honestly I didn’t even think we were going to become serious, you know? But anyways I hurt someone, someone good, and my karma is that I found someone else who was great but it just wasn’t going to work out.

Is that how the universe works? Still doesn’t make too much sense too me. 

-S

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