So this week my parents were travelling. Once the news of their travels came about I had to decide what I was going to do. I could either 1) go to Pakistan and visit my family for a mini vacation or 2) I could stay here in Saudi, all by myself.
There was a part of me that was super comfortable staying and was like what’s the worse that could happen, plus I was working, albeit I could work online it’s just easier being in your own home. Now my parents held a different sentiment, that if I were to stay here I couldn’t stay in the house all alone. At first I was like um okay this is weird, they literally sent me to live in another country all by myself what’s the matter if I do it here?
Fastforward a few days and my grandparents decided to come instead so that my parents could go on their trip. Once my grandparents got here it actually dawned on me how happy and relieved I was that they were here and that I wasn’t going to be here all alone.
For one, my house is on the bigger side, being all alone in this place would have been creepy. But besides just that, Saudi functions differently. For better or for worse, it is very hard to survive here without a male presence. What I mean by that I the fact that I am so dependent here on othe people that living alone is very difficult.
So in my grandparents presence I because comfortable in my own home because they were there, I.e. I was comfortable once in my comfort zone, comfortable in the societal norms. But my dilemma was that my 4 years in Canada had grown me into a person who had taught myself to be comfortable and adaptable in whatever situation I was in. I worked hard in ensuring that I relied on no one but myself. So what I fear in a sense is will I go back to being that risk averse girl I left behind in 2012, or will I remain the debatably more independent woman I became.