[31/12/16] over you

Dear A, 

You suck. You treated us like we were going to be forever and that life was going to be easier. You showed me a life where you would stand up for me and fight for me, like no one had done before. That you would be the one that I could let myself fall for, where I for once would be the one taken care of. Together we were going to light a fire to our lives and dance in the warmth and live life. You and I. You promised me that. You promised me that I was worth it that you’d never find someone like me ever again. You made me feel special. 

And then you disappointed me like countless others have before. You backed out and you were scared. You didn’t fight for me like you said you would. Instead you took my hand and then just dropped it when things got hard, when it was all too difficult and things weren’t favourable. You just gave up. After all the strength I put into to bring myself to you you just stamped all over my emotions and that was that. Nothing mutual. No conversation. Just you deciding I wasn’t worth the risk. 

The sad part is I thought you were different. I even went along with somethings because I knew you and I clicked better than anyone I had ever met. But you never really accepted me did you? 

I am and will always be an independent and bold woman. I unapologetically am this and I will never back down from who I am or dim my light because it doesn’t suit your image of a wife. No I am not a girly girl and no I’m not that domestic and no I’m not experienced either. I’m rebellious and I say things I shouldn’t always say and my dad raised me like a princess. That is who I am but that is not what I am limited to. I am more than that and I am sad you even got a glimse of it. You let me down and for that I will always wonder whether it was worth making the first move.

But as 2016 closes, your name doesn’t make me sad, our memories are just memories and your name is another name on my phone. I am neutral and numb and boy don’t you dare think that you’ll ever change that or that you stand a chance.

-S

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