[15/03/17] remembering 

Hey R, 

I hope you’ve been well. I hope that the world and the demons in your head haven’t brought you down. Looking back at everything, I knew I was right, I knew that you were going to be the one that hurt the most. You are kind and pure and the world has just been so dark for you but there is light and you just need to remember to let that light shine and to let people in. Let them in because you have so much to show and more people need to see that. 

The love/like (okay I don’t wanna use the L word but you know) and care you showed me in the short month or 2 that we were together was enough for me to look back at and remember my last few months in Toronto as some of the best I had. Even though we realistically spent about 60% of the time apart I felt like I had known you all along and I could just look at your eyes and know what was going on through your head. 

You showed me that it is okay to be vulnerable (though you never were) but you let me feel and I hadn’t felt in such a long time. I lived with my mask on and it was all fine and you don’t even know how much your actions left an impact on me. You were one of the first people to take care of me without me having to show weakness. You knew I needed it even though I didn’t show it so you did it anyways. For a split summers day I felt like someone had my back, that someone besides my bff saw me, the me I didn’t show the world, the me that was hidden. As cliche as it is, you saw me for who I was, broken and alive, confused and lost, but you liked me anyways. You never said it but when you looked at me, it felt like you were actually looking at me. And in that moment I’d forget everything that I was worried about because there was someone who could understand my twisted and hidden soul. 

So getting over you is a different kind of moving on process. Circumstances deducted that we could not be together and I chose my parents and my beliefs because in my heart I knew that being with you was just going to bring me more heartbreak then I could ever manage. But you left your mark on me and I think I’ll always remember you when I think about how I need to be resilient. In the face of a fight, I will be reminded of your passion and your belief that you have to move on. 

So here’s hoping that wherever you are you are enjoying some great coffee and that you are happy. I wish nothing but the best for you. 

-S 

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